Coming of Age (Rough Draft)

It's almost as though you're stuck at the bottom of the ocean with your legs chained down by a giant rock. You can still breathe and you're not drowning, but you're in a serious stump. As you watch the outside world move, you're still stuck in place, just seeing the world change while you stay exactly the same. The feeling of being in a stump is a painful thing, but it doesn't kill you, unless you can die from stress. Whether it's a stump as in with school work, or something big in your life that affects you to the point where you can't do anything until it's gone. Everyone goes through it and they all have to figure their own way to solve it without the consultation of others. It's almost like a right of passage and tests whether you can act on your own, like what had happened to me.

    As a child, I grew up being able to confide in people very often. It could have been my mom or my dad, or even my grandma, but after a while, this "stump" decided to develop in my life. Problem after problem had arisen and I became bewildered by it's sudden appearance. I was able to get through it by taking out my exasperation towards my family, which worked at first, but people don't always stick around. After hearing about the same thing over and over again, you'd think they'd be sick of your constant complaining about the same old problem, right? My family, who had once started giving me heartfelt advice, changed their answers over time and would just give me half-assed answers in exchange for avoidance to this "stump".

    Talking to people that don't want to listen is nothing more than talking to a wall, but at least the wall wouldn't walk away from you when you needed it most. The people that raised me and had grown up with me were starting to drift and I had grown afraid. Afraid of what? I wasn't exactly sure, but I would panic and take refuge by shrouding away to the next best things: Friends. They weren't family and didn't exactly know your entire life story, but they were there for you when things brought you down. You had shared moments that made you cry together and moments that made you smile 'till your face hurt and your stomach was cramping from laughing so hard. It would be the same as before, but whenever you had come across a dilemma, you'd immediately go to tell them instead of the people that had the same blood running through their veins as you.

    They would always lend a helping hand when you were in this stump and always wanted the best for you, until you began to get mixed feelings about their actions. Elated smiles became forced and stiff while spending time together seemed to always lead to awkward silence, with both parties doing their own separate things. It was almost as though they didn't want to listen and you jabbering on and on was starting to deteriorate at the friendship bit by bit. Seeing them upset and uncomfortable was never your intention and you realize what had been happening. It had been your fault. Not being cognizant of their feelings and just being selfish on your own; it was like they only were there because they felt bad, they pitied me.

    By this point in time, I had it all figured out and knew what I had to do. It was already too late to patch it up with some, but with others, I fought hard not to let that string break. I stopped being such a downer to my friends and their grimaces because genuine smiles again. Even my family had seen the change and took to it with a whole new heart. While I was looking at everything with a pessimistic heart, the present was still moving, while I had still wanted to stay in the past. "You can't keep relying on others about your problems. You need to be able to do things yourself." My dad told me this when I was in another stump of mine because he was annoyed by the constant blank face and silent lips. Taking his words to heart, I didn't really feel all that great, but I learned something valuable. In order to pass this "stump" of mine, I needed to put aside my petty problems and just deal with them. People weren't going to help me so I needed to tough it out myself, no matter how many tears were shed and how many sleepless nights I had. It got better, but living life as an adult is a much harder change to accept than being a kid; Even though it is hard, I'll still make it somehow and hopefully the future will lighten up.